The Goodness of the Lord....

Yesterday I talked about the goodness of the Lord. I've experienced that goodness. My life has been good. For the first time in a long time, I have the good life. Why would I make the decision to go back to my old life? I have enjoyed about 15 months of sobriety. I've enjoyed a little over 2 years of freedom from abuse. I've enjoyed an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus. I've enjoyed the love and support of people that God has put in my life. So why did I make the willful choice to go back?

It's what I know. I was very comfortable in the pit for about 20 years. I had set up home there. I really didn't want to get out of the pit. But I was at the end of myself....I had nowhere to look but to Jesus. I cried out from the pit and Jesus scooped me up and placed me on a solid foundation. I was weak and unsure and unsteady, but God was right there with me till I got some strength about me.

After being out of the pit for over a year, I am still drawn back to it. I've done pretty well(with God's help) staying far away from the pit until recently. I have been walking so close to pit here lately. In Psalm 73:2, it says...."But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone." This is where I've been for the last month. I had 2 nights of disobedience and a month later, I'm still so close to the edge that it's scary.

I'm drawn to the bottle. It's what I know. It's where I go when things are scary, unsure, seemingly hopeless, etc. I want to escape when things are too tough. But that is the old Kim. The new Kim runs to Jesus. A little further in Psalm 73:21-26 it says...."Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant-I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."

I claim this Scripture for me and for my kids. Everything will be fine if I simply obey God.

Kim