Psalm 90:13-16....Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. Let us see your miracles again; let our children see your glory at work.
This excited me when I read it this morning. This has been my life for the last 2 years. When I wake up in the morning, I am satisfied and excited about the day. I have felt God's unfailing love in my life these last 2 years. Some days I haven't been very worthy of His love, but that's the cool thing about God. He loves me anyway. I have a joyful song in my heart today. I love to listen to my Christian radio and praise God for His love and mercy. God has certainly given me gladness to replace the years of misery. I know misery. I know despair. Last week, I had a phone conversation that reminded me of the misery I was in. I'm grateful that today, I have gladness. The evil years I've lived have been replaced with good. It hasn't been a bed of roses for me these last 2 years, but it's still been good. Today is a good day because I'm sober and free from abuse. I have had the privilege of seeing so many miracles performed in my life. I KNOW that God is real and He's active in my life. I pray that I never forget what God has done for me. I guess the next part of the verse is my biggest prayer today...let my children see your glory at work. I want so much for my children to experience what I have. I want my children to believe God. I want them to know of His unfailing love. I want them to experience real, deep down joy. My prayer is that God will reveal Himself to my children and that they will recognize it and accept it.
I'm excited today. I have so much hope for the things going on in my family today. God has been huge in my life in the past and He will be today. I'm grateful.
Kim
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
I am weak, but He is strong...
It's so cool the way God gives us just what we need when we need it. I struggle so much with beating myself up because of leaving my kids in our abusive relaltionship so long. So many times I struggle with feelings like a failure as a mother. But then I read something like the devotion from Prov.31 this morning. The Scripture for today is...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness. I'm definitely at the end of myself. I can't do this with Matthew. I'm not capable to lead Matthew through this dark, hurting, rebellious time in his life. I can't, but God can.
I've been feeling so out of control this week. I can't control Matthew. I can't make him do right. I can't control the outcome of this situation. In the past, when I am not in control, that's when I would drink/use pills. Praise God that TODAY, I'm not handling it that way. I'm working really hard to let God be in control. I'm just trying to use the tools that have been given to me to do the right thing. God, give me a heart that desires to obey You no matter what is going on around me. That's my prayer. That's what has kept me clean and sober for over a year. Today I will hold onto the Truth that God is made strong in my weakness. Amen.
Kim
I've been feeling so out of control this week. I can't control Matthew. I can't make him do right. I can't control the outcome of this situation. In the past, when I am not in control, that's when I would drink/use pills. Praise God that TODAY, I'm not handling it that way. I'm working really hard to let God be in control. I'm just trying to use the tools that have been given to me to do the right thing. God, give me a heart that desires to obey You no matter what is going on around me. That's my prayer. That's what has kept me clean and sober for over a year. Today I will hold onto the Truth that God is made strong in my weakness. Amen.
Kim
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
God is still good....
Sometimes life is very hard. Sometimes it's hard to understand why things happen the way they do. When things are really tough, it's even hard to see how God could be in control. I know that God being in control isn't based on my feelings.
Being a mother has to be the thing that brings the most joy in my life. But sometimes it brings hurt and disappointment. It's hard for me, as a mother, to watch my child go down the same destructive path that I went down at his age. Last night was a horrible night. I was afraid. I had to take my son to the ER for this destructive path he's heading down. As I look back on last night, I can see God in it. God has his hands on my family. He has his hands on Matthew. How do I know this? God allowed me to find vital info. on matthew's myspace. God allowed Matthew to have a breakdown last night and get him to the hospital. God has given me the strength so far to deal with this hard situation. When I am weak, God is strong. I'm counting on this over the days to come. This is my hope.
God is good. I have tasted the Lord's goodness. He's still good in tough circumstances. I will believe God to see us through this trial. I look forward to what God has for Matthew and for me.
Please pray for us.
Kim
Being a mother has to be the thing that brings the most joy in my life. But sometimes it brings hurt and disappointment. It's hard for me, as a mother, to watch my child go down the same destructive path that I went down at his age. Last night was a horrible night. I was afraid. I had to take my son to the ER for this destructive path he's heading down. As I look back on last night, I can see God in it. God has his hands on my family. He has his hands on Matthew. How do I know this? God allowed me to find vital info. on matthew's myspace. God allowed Matthew to have a breakdown last night and get him to the hospital. God has given me the strength so far to deal with this hard situation. When I am weak, God is strong. I'm counting on this over the days to come. This is my hope.
God is good. I have tasted the Lord's goodness. He's still good in tough circumstances. I will believe God to see us through this trial. I look forward to what God has for Matthew and for me.
Please pray for us.
Kim
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The Goodness of the Lord....
Yesterday I talked about the goodness of the Lord. I've experienced that goodness. My life has been good. For the first time in a long time, I have the good life. Why would I make the decision to go back to my old life? I have enjoyed about 15 months of sobriety. I've enjoyed a little over 2 years of freedom from abuse. I've enjoyed an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus. I've enjoyed the love and support of people that God has put in my life. So why did I make the willful choice to go back?
It's what I know. I was very comfortable in the pit for about 20 years. I had set up home there. I really didn't want to get out of the pit. But I was at the end of myself....I had nowhere to look but to Jesus. I cried out from the pit and Jesus scooped me up and placed me on a solid foundation. I was weak and unsure and unsteady, but God was right there with me till I got some strength about me.
After being out of the pit for over a year, I am still drawn back to it. I've done pretty well(with God's help) staying far away from the pit until recently. I have been walking so close to pit here lately. In Psalm 73:2, it says...."But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone." This is where I've been for the last month. I had 2 nights of disobedience and a month later, I'm still so close to the edge that it's scary.
I'm drawn to the bottle. It's what I know. It's where I go when things are scary, unsure, seemingly hopeless, etc. I want to escape when things are too tough. But that is the old Kim. The new Kim runs to Jesus. A little further in Psalm 73:21-26 it says...."Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant-I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
I claim this Scripture for me and for my kids. Everything will be fine if I simply obey God.
Kim
It's what I know. I was very comfortable in the pit for about 20 years. I had set up home there. I really didn't want to get out of the pit. But I was at the end of myself....I had nowhere to look but to Jesus. I cried out from the pit and Jesus scooped me up and placed me on a solid foundation. I was weak and unsure and unsteady, but God was right there with me till I got some strength about me.
After being out of the pit for over a year, I am still drawn back to it. I've done pretty well(with God's help) staying far away from the pit until recently. I have been walking so close to pit here lately. In Psalm 73:2, it says...."But as for me, I came so close to the edge of the cliff! My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone." This is where I've been for the last month. I had 2 nights of disobedience and a month later, I'm still so close to the edge that it's scary.
I'm drawn to the bottle. It's what I know. It's where I go when things are scary, unsure, seemingly hopeless, etc. I want to escape when things are too tough. But that is the old Kim. The new Kim runs to Jesus. A little further in Psalm 73:21-26 it says...."Then I realized how bitter I had become, how pained I had been by all I had seen. I was so foolish and ignorant-I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you are holding my right hand. You will keep on guiding me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever."
I claim this Scripture for me and for my kids. Everything will be fine if I simply obey God.
Kim
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Oh taste and see that the Lord is good!!
Last Sunday, my pastor preached from I Peter 2:1-3...So get rid of all malicious behavior and deceit. Don't just pretend to be good! Be done with hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing. You must crave pure spiritual milk so that you can grow into the fullness of your salvation. Cry out for this nourishment as a baby cries for milk, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness.
So get rid of all malicious behavior and deceit...hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing....I have definitely had a taste of the Lord's kindness over the last 2 years. It's a wonderful thing the enjoy. Daily, I worked on "getting rid" of all the things which held me captive. Everyday, I simply tried to do the next right thing. I started this time of "getting rid" of things out of desperation. My life was in the pit. I did it because I had to. But God, being the way He is, allowed me to begin to taste of His goodness.
You must crave pure spiritual milk....After sortof of "faking it" for a while, I began to truly desire God. I wanted to taste more of His goodness. When we have a delicious meal before us, we don't want just a little bite....we want more and more because it is so good. I began to look forward to my time with God. I couldn't get enough of Jesus. I had a hunger and a thirst for Jesus. What a wonderful place to be.
So that you can grow into the fullness of your salvation...It really works. When I get into the Word daily....when I truly desire to taste of the Lord's goodness...when I know I can't survive without Jesus...that's when I grow. This growth helps me resist temptation. This growth helps me live a godly life. This growth helps me believe the Truth instead of the lies of Satan. This growth helps me fully experience God's love for me. Oh this is such a wonderful place to be....growing spiritually.
Now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness...As I taste the Lord's kindness, I want more and more, like that delicious meal. I can't get enough. There's nothing like experiencing this kindness. As I am in this place of enjoying God, I want to love God more, I want to seek Him more, I want to obey Him. Because of His goodness and kindness.
Why would I ever want to go back to the pit? Why would I ever risk giving up the good things in my life? I will talk about this next time.....
So get rid of all malicious behavior and deceit...hypocrisy and jealousy and backstabbing....I have definitely had a taste of the Lord's kindness over the last 2 years. It's a wonderful thing the enjoy. Daily, I worked on "getting rid" of all the things which held me captive. Everyday, I simply tried to do the next right thing. I started this time of "getting rid" of things out of desperation. My life was in the pit. I did it because I had to. But God, being the way He is, allowed me to begin to taste of His goodness.
You must crave pure spiritual milk....After sortof of "faking it" for a while, I began to truly desire God. I wanted to taste more of His goodness. When we have a delicious meal before us, we don't want just a little bite....we want more and more because it is so good. I began to look forward to my time with God. I couldn't get enough of Jesus. I had a hunger and a thirst for Jesus. What a wonderful place to be.
So that you can grow into the fullness of your salvation...It really works. When I get into the Word daily....when I truly desire to taste of the Lord's goodness...when I know I can't survive without Jesus...that's when I grow. This growth helps me resist temptation. This growth helps me live a godly life. This growth helps me believe the Truth instead of the lies of Satan. This growth helps me fully experience God's love for me. Oh this is such a wonderful place to be....growing spiritually.
Now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness...As I taste the Lord's kindness, I want more and more, like that delicious meal. I can't get enough. There's nothing like experiencing this kindness. As I am in this place of enjoying God, I want to love God more, I want to seek Him more, I want to obey Him. Because of His goodness and kindness.
Why would I ever want to go back to the pit? Why would I ever risk giving up the good things in my life? I will talk about this next time.....
Friday, March 14, 2008
Let me introduce myself....
I thought I'd begin by telling a little about myself. I am a single mother of 3. After 20 years of being in an abusive marriage, I finally found the courage to leave. I didn't think I could do it, but God has been with me every step of the way. I am also a recovering alcoholic. This was my way of coping with the abuse I was living in. It hasn't been an easy 2 years, but God has delivered me from the bondage of abuse and addiction.
My favorite Scripture is found in Psalm 40: 1-3.....I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord.
God has truly lifted me out of the pit. I had made my home in the pit. It was what I knew best. When I finally cried out to God, He lovingly lift me from the pit. It was a pit of despair, hopelessness, misery, sin....He lifted me out. He placed my feet on a solid ground. I was was new to this way of life. In fact it was very uncomfortable to me at first. Now, I have a new song in my heart. My heart's desire is to share my story with other women. My prayer is that other's will see that with God there is hope out of the bondage of abuse and addiction or whatever it is that has one captive. With God there is hope. He delivered me and He will do it for you also.
Kim
My favorite Scripture is found in Psalm 40: 1-3.....I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what He has done and be astounded. They will put their trust in the Lord.
God has truly lifted me out of the pit. I had made my home in the pit. It was what I knew best. When I finally cried out to God, He lovingly lift me from the pit. It was a pit of despair, hopelessness, misery, sin....He lifted me out. He placed my feet on a solid ground. I was was new to this way of life. In fact it was very uncomfortable to me at first. Now, I have a new song in my heart. My heart's desire is to share my story with other women. My prayer is that other's will see that with God there is hope out of the bondage of abuse and addiction or whatever it is that has one captive. With God there is hope. He delivered me and He will do it for you also.
Kim
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